seize the camera!
by yasu
Summary: SD characters... caught on cam??
1. strike one

**Disclaimer: **Slam Dunk and its characters do not belong to me but Takehiko Inoue. I, merely a fanatic of SD, want nothing but borrow the characters for the purpose of fun. 

Also, the plot of the situational events, if there are any similarities with the original shows, is out of pure coincidence. I'm squeezing my brain out here to produce what I think is funny enough and not just plagiarizing. Besides, the purpose is to make people laugh… (err, if they will… hehe) and not to make myself famous. 

Although… if I'm out of ideas, maybe I could borrow them too? Hehe… Thanks! 

That's it. So please don't sue me.

**Seize the camera!**

_Seize the camera!_ has sent talented agents to different schools in Kanagawa, Japan. Mainly, high schools… those who have good basketball teams.  

Err… whatever. They were just sent there. ^_^`

Purpose: to get (hopefully) funny reactions from the innocent students… and coaches, maybe?

Now, to get on with it…

**à**** Target: Shohoku High School**

Strike 1 

Situation: Lunch time. A gorgeous young lady wearing a casual outfit will try to get the attention of the people. By… uhh… read on.

Victim: Mitsui 

Location: at the canteen, eating lunch beside the screened window

Agent 01 enters. Mitsui didn't notice since he's too much focused on his food.

Agent 01: Hi! Can I join you? (smiles cutely with a questioning look)

Mitsui: Oh, Hi! Sure… (shocked yet stood up and shove the chair beside him) 

Agent 01: Thanks.

Agent 01 sits comfortably while Mitsui forgot about his half-eaten food, obviously up for flirting.

Mitsui: I've never seen you around here before. New student? 

Agent 01: No. I have other purpose. (smiling like she's open for flirty mode)__

Mitsui: Oh. And your purpose is…? 

Mitsui gave the challenging look while resting his head on his palm, completely focused on what the other is going to say.

Agent 01: What do you think? (raising an eyebrow and looking completely seductive at Mitsui)

Mitsui: I think I know. (smirking, never taking his gaze off her)

Agent 01: What? (looking intrigued)

Mitsui: Looking for me? (with teasing eyes)

Agent 01: Hmm… not really. (turned a bit serious, smile fading slowly)

Mitsui: Ookay… Then what is it? (felt a bit embarrassed yet kept on with the questioning look)

Agent 01 seems disturbed, looking down. Mitsui's expression turned guilty, thinking he made the gorgeous lady upset… when she suddenly stood up, facing him again with excitement in her eyes.

Agent 01: My purpose is… (in a really soft voice)

Mitsui kept silent though relieved when he saw that she's excited.

Agent 01: To proclaim that… (still with the shy, soft voice)

Mitsui: That…? (smiling cheekily to the fact that the stranger seems to be getting comfortable with him)

Agent 01: THAT I'M GONNA BE THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!! NYAHAHAHA! YOU'RE GONNA BE JACK AND WE WILL RAVAGE THE EARTH!!! HEKHEK… (evil glint in her eyes, looking like a mad woman, disturbing the sanity of those in the canteen)

Mitsui was taken aback… basically from the fact that he had been openly flirting with a psycho. He tried running away but Agent 01 cornered him from his seat that he couldn't get off.

Agent 01: POOR BABY! YOU CAN'T RUNAWAY!!! BWAHAHAHA! (still got the menacing look)

Mitsui: Get off me!!! (almost crying and shrieking in disgust)

Sadly, no one's trying to help.

Let's think… what would be the other students' response? Using other tactics to get their attention… maybe they'll say:

Sakuragi: You are?? Whoa! You chose the right person because this is the tensai!!! Nyahahaha!!! (while jumping around giddily, holding each others hands)

Kogure: Hush. We can talk about it later. Maybe I should bring you first to the clinic. (with the worrying tone and look, he led her outside, looking apologetically to the surprised faces of people)

Rukawa: do'aho. (the agent had a hard time getting onto him since he had already walked away even she hasn't said anything much, yet)

Haruko: She seems pretty lively, ne? (while smiling sweetly, still the same clueless expression)

Fujii: It's not safe talking to her. Haruko, just leave her alone. (the same reaction when she heard that Haruko has been talking to Sakuragi)

à Target: Kainan High School Strike 2 

Situation: A newly opened museum has been built beside Kainan High. Written on the antique door, it says, "Kainan basketball players, keep out" in scary, blood stained letters.

Agents: An old woman in her late 60's wearing a morbid outfit. Complete with the black cape, ancient cane and witchy appearance. We'll call her Agent Panggap-baliw. And an old man of the same age in a costume like that of Cupid. (You know, like wearing only a diaper?) We'll call him Agent Panggap-tino. 

And in case you're wondering what the meaning of their names are… 

Panggap-baliw: pretending to be psychotic

Panggap-tino: pretending to be normal

Victim: Kiyota Nobunaga, Jin Soichiro 

Kiyota: (thinking deeply) Should I enter or not?

Jin just got out from the school gate. Finding Kiyota weird, he approached him.

Jin: Hey, Kiyota! What's up? (questioning smile on his face)

Kiyota: Oh. It's you. Have you seen that sign before? (points toward the scribbled sign)

Jin: No. (looking serious now while staring at the uncanny sign)

Kiyota: Well, I was thinking whether I should get inside or not. (voice seems to be inquiring Jin)

_There suddenly appeared a thick smoke. Then a loud thud boomed out of nowhere. Agent Panggap-baliw appears in front of them, setting the two in a trance._

Agent Panggap-baliw: Yes, open the door. It's not going to do you any harm. (in a deep, creepy voice)

Both are gaping, still speechless when another voice came from behind them.

Agent Panggap-tino: No, you shouldn't. It says you should keep out! (the old man obviously trying hard to sound like an innocent child, not considering the thought that he actually looks like a gay-lecher)

Kiyota laughed hysterically but Jin shut him up.

Jin: Kiyota! Can't you see the gravity of the situation here?? (looking really serious)

Kiyota: But… but… (trying very hard not to laugh, yet failed)

Jin: No buts. We're both going home now. (in a stern voice)

Kiyota: No way! You go home. I wanna check this out.

Jin: Kiyota! (sounding like he's cheated)

_While arguing, both agents played angel and devil while the two are still deciding whether to follow their instincts or not… _

_In the background, other students are already thinking crazy thoughts about them._

_Jin and Kiyota played heads or tails to know whose intuition to follow. Kiyota chose heads while Jin, who got no other option, chose tails…_

_Kiyota won and instantly, he's holding the knob of the aged door. Jin just followed from behind. The two agents are out of sight. Slowly, the door opened. Goosebumps rose to their senses. There seems to be not much of a big thing going on inside that Kiyota opened the door really wide. Only to find out…_

_A life-size painting of Coach Taoka making out with their coach. Both have no shirt, just pants. While Kainan's coach holds a big fan on her right. Each wearing a satisfied smile._

Jin: (speechless, mouth hanging open)

Kiyota: Huuwhaaaaatt??? (blinks rapidly then stopped and said in an overly excited voice:) Hey, that's what I always thought! Yuck! Wait till the others see this. 

Think again… of the possible reactions of the others.

Maki: Huh? (nothing… just 'huh', then walk out, ignoring the painting as if he hadn't seen it for all his life)

Coach Taoka: Who the hell painted that obscene, hypocrite painting??! (pointing madly at the painting with smokes coming out of his head)

Kainan's coach: Cool. (smiles nonchalantly while fanning and observing if there are any flaws)

  


**A/N:** Well, first… I'm going to say sorry if I made the characters or the readers offended. I'm really sorry and it's not my purpose.

Err... I'm not really sure if you like the idea or not but I wrote it anyway… hehe… this fic is a bit short since I still have no idea of your feedback… and well, uhh… if you're reviews says you like it, then I'll continue… if not, well… guess I'm only gonna say "thanks for reading!"

So… reviews please?? 

And I'll be very glad if you point out my mistakes. Thanks again! ^_^


	2. strike two

**Disclaimer: **Slam Dunk and its characters do not belong to me but Takehiko Inoue. I, merely a fanatic of SD, want nothing but borrow the characters for the purpose of fun.

Also, the plot of the situational events, if there are any similarities with the original shows, is out of pure coincidence. I'm squeezing my brain out here to produce what I think is funny enough and not just plagiarizing. Besides, the purpose is to make people laugh… (err, if they will… hehe) and not to make myself famous. 

Although… if I'm out of ideas, maybe I could borrow them too? Hehe… Thanks!

That's it. So please don't sue me.

**Seize the camera!**

_Seize the camera! _Strikes again! Victims on the loose. Watch out, players!

****** Target: Shohoku High School**

**Strike 3**

Situation: During practice break. A 'fake' reporter is about to interview some students to reveal some… well, uhh.. shocking answers.

Accomplice: The reporter wears a casual outfit. Complete with an I.D., a notebook and a pen. The camera is hidden up anywhere in his sleeves. Appears to be one on the entertainment side.

Victim: Sakuragi Hanamichi

Location: campus vicinity

Accomplice enters. Shohoku team having a 15-minute break. Sakuragi practicing the basics on one side. Accomplice introduced himself as a reporter from** 'Secrets Scraped Off'** magazine and uhh.. whatever. Let's just imagine that he is now interviewing our beloved genius. Okay?

Both sitting comfortably at the bench, just outside the gym. Face to face manner.

Accomplice: So Sakuragi, for 30 seconds. I will be mentioning things and you'll say what first comes to your mind. I need it VERY fast. Understand? (smiling in a friendly way)

Sakuragi: You dare insult the tensai?? Ofcourse I understand! (in an irritated yet excited voice)

Accomplice: Okay. Let's get started.

The accomplice turned serious, looking like one of those top interviewers with an informal, yet challenging look.

Accomplice: Time starts… (looks at his watch) now. Complete name?! (in a fast, tough tone)

Sakuragi: Ore wa tensai Sakuragi Hanamichi! (not so fast, in his usual tone)

Accomplice: Nickname?! (tone is consistent till the end of the interview – never fading, monotone and demanding)

Sakuragi: Tensai of course. (looking normal)

Accomplice: Faster!! (more demanding now) Sign?!

The accomplice's tone made Sakuragi nervous. Eyebrows curled, he answered faster.

Sakuragi: Aries! (a little tensed)

Accomplice: Crush?!

Sakuragi: Haruko! (shocked and blushed but was more focused on answering faster)

Accomplice: Intimidating?!

Sakuragi: You!!

Accomplice: Who else?!

Sakuragi: Goriii!!

And faster… 

Accomplice: Shampoo?!

Sakuragi: Soap!!

Accomplice: Soap?!

Sakuragi: Shampoo!!

_Yeah, Sakuragi. First thing that comes to your head. Tsk tsk._

_18 seconds…_

Accomplice: Manager?!

Sakuragi: Lady Gori!!

Accomplice: Pet?!

Sakuragi: Ryota… hihihi (naughty tone, chibi look, both hands covering his mouth)__

Accomplice: 15 seconds! Go faster!!

Sakuragi: Hai!! (straightened up, yet finds the interview amusing)

Accomplice: Fill this in. You've got two big…? (cheeky smile)

Sakuragi: Ears!!

Accomplice: And one dark…?

Sakuragi: Underarm! Nyahaha!!!

Accomplice: (small smile, head swinging of disapproval)

Sakuragi: Hey! That was a joke!! (trying to show the other both his underarms)

_Well… bad joke, Hana. Your reputation is toast._

Accomplice: Bugs you?!

Sakuragi: Bunny me!! (crossing his arms over his chest, sarcastic, thinking how one reporter can be so serious about checking his underarm out)

Accomplice: Sleep?!

Sakuragi: Bed!! (almost snappy, losing the energy and feeling bored)

Accomplice: With..?

_Rukawa just came out of the gym with a ball in his hand. Haruko following behind offering him with a drink. Rukawa ignored her. Checking his bike near the bench._

Sakuragi: Rukawa… (distracted, angry tone, eyebrows curled)

Accomplice: BOO! (waking up Sakuragi's senses)

Sakuragi: Huh??

Accomplice: So you like him?!

Sakuragi: Hai! (puzzled, thought of the word 'HIM') I mean… NO, HER!! (pointing at Haruko with his right index finger) Teme! How dare you confuse-

Haruko: Hello Sakuragi-kun! (forced smile, disappointed from Rukawa)

Sakuragi: (chibi, alarmed, distracted, slowly shifting his hand down)

_5 seconds…_

_The other players followed outside. Faces saying that they're there to tease Sakuragi's answers - Specifically Miyagi and Mitsui._

Accomplice: 5 seconds left! Faster!!! (same demanding voice)

Sakuragi: Ha- hai!! (determined, forcing himself to focus on the interviewer)

Accomplice: Deo?!

Sakuragi: MINT!! (shouting unconsciously like that of a soldier)

Accomplice: Perfume?!

Sakuragi: STINKY!!

Accomplice: Guntai?!

Sakuragi: BEST!!

Accomplice: Toothbrush?!

Sakuragi: RUKAWA'S!!!

Accomplice: Gotcha! I knew it! I knew it's him you like! (sudden naughty look, thrilled, slowly walking away, out of Sakuragi's sight)

Everybody who heard: Speechless. Mouth gaping at him.

Rukawa: Do'ahou.

Sakuragi: Teme!! It's a brand not kitsune's!! (blushing hard, aware of what the others are thinking)

Everybody who heard: Yuck. (disgusted faces)

_Hikoichi's suddenly appeared. Sneaking behind a tree._

Hikoichi: Me too. If only they know it's the cheapest brand of toothbrush. (consoling Sakuragi quietly)

_Yuck. That's all I can say._

The others were caught too.

If we actually asked them the same questions and put them in the same pace… with just a little twist. What could their punch line be..??

Kogure: "Yay!! Uhh… Actually, I don't know! My mother bought it for me!! And it's still in the grocery bag." (In fact, we could have only got a few answers from him because he might only be able to utter an 'uhh' and a 'yay' out of total nervousness. And yes, I think he got another 'brand-new' toothbrush after using his old one for like, three weeks. Ooh… clean, healthy living!! Cool. )

Akagi: "Oral-B." (His arms crossed, eyes looking straight at the reporter. He could have answered the entire questions confidently and maybe even scare the reporter causing the poor guy to forget his big, bad joke)

Mitsui: "Are you insulting me???" (In a defensive, ready-to-punch-someone kind of tone, avoiding the issues on his false teeth.)

Coach Anzai: "Ho ho ho ho." (the usual giddy tone. I guess the reporter could have guessed that this cute Santa Claus has plenty of brands to name to give on Christmas eve)

Ayako:"Well, it's…" (turned to her back) ****Whack!(that's of course, our loving paperfan whacking Ryota) "WHAT ARE YOU GRINNING ABOUT??!! GET BACK TO PRACTICE!" (Blushing, yet trying to declare a commanding word. Why does she have to pretend she doesn't like Ryota? Poor guy)

Rukawa: Zzzzz… (On his way to dreamland even before accomplice hits the first question. Then wakes up VERY spunky after hearing a whistle – signaling that break time is finished)  

**à Target: Ryonan High School**

**Strike 4**

Situation: After classes, before basketball practice. A little girl of about 5 years old is sent to borrow something from the boys. Oh, and she is supposed to look cross-eyed by the way.

Victim: Koshino

Location: School corridor

_Koshino was just dismissed from his Biology class. Recalling his lessons on organ transplants, he walks slowly directed to the gym. Only a few people to be seen. Little girl enters…_

Girl: Hello, sir! (friendly way)

Koshino: Oh, hello chibi! Why are you here? (surprised to see a little girl around)

Girl: Well, daddy left me with my brother here.

Koshino: Really? Where's your daddy? (observed that she has an eye problem, voice is gentle)

_Koshino turned his head around to see if the girl's brother is around._

Girl: At the hospital. Doctor gave me an assignment. Can you help me?

_The girl's father is a doctor. Sometimes, she address him that. But Koshino might be thinking differently._

Koshino: An assignment? Hmm… depends. What is it? (getting fond of the girl)

Girl: I need to ask someone to give me one of his balls. Can you? (serious, innocent look)

Koshino: Nani??! (expression is shocked, taken aback)

Girl: He said the first I see with big reddish ones is THE ONE. (smiling excitedly)

_Girl looks straight ahead, pointing. Koshino may be forgetting about something – her eyes. He thought that she was referring at HIS. Seems like Koshino couldn't get his thoughts off his lessons a while ago. _

Koshino: Well… uhh. (speechless, sinking the thoughts in)

Girl: Can you, sir? Can you? Huh? I see that you're a professional. And my dad is playing. (desperately pleading now)

Koshino: Sorry! I need to go now. I still have a practice to attend to. (getting a bit tensed)

Girl: But, you have to! My dad needs it badly! He lost his! (turning aggressive)

_Tranplants?? Nah._

Koshino: Listen, kid. I can't. These are not for sale, okay? These are mine and mine alone!! (losing his cool, imagines of sharing his with another)

Girl: (turning angry, like a spoiled brat) NO!! I WANT YOUR BALLS!! SO GIVE IT TO ME!!

Koshino: Uhh.. bye! (scared now at the mad kid, headed for a turn, running for his life)

_Little girl is now stamping her feet, almost crying. Appearing like a brat - irritated by the rejection. _

Girl: I SAID I WANT YOUR BALLLLSSS!!! (at the top of her lungs)

_Some students who heard turned. Understanding what the girl meant, joined in persuading Koshino.  _

_Now, the girl's brother showed up. Seems to be a member of a gang. An outsider. But remember that he is an accomplice too._

Brother: HEY MAN! MY SISTER WANTS YOUR BALLS!! WHY NOT LET HER GRAB ONE OF YOURS?? (voice booming all over the corridor, scaring the hell out of Koshino)

Koshino: If it's not because of that barmy kid, I could have punched that punk on the face! (referring to the brother)

_Oh well. Koshino managed to get out fast. VERY FAST. Looks like he DID listen a lot at his Biology class._

_If only he realizes that the accomplices were referring_ _to the two basketballs he is carrying beside his duffel bag.. What a hentai!! _

_And yep, 'GRAB'. How else does a member of a gang call it?_

Brother: Tsk. tsk. How many more hentais are in this campus??

Girl: What is a hentai? (regaining her tired eyes from being cross-eyed while tugging her supposed brother's shirt)

Brother: (sighed, giving the girl a cute doll and a lollipop for her work well done)

The others' possible reactions?

Sendoh: For a kid, you sure knows a lot! (amazed)

Uozomi: Hey kid, who taught you that?? (quite annoyed)

Fukuda: Don't shout at me! I'm still your senior!! (pissed off)

Hikoichi: Unberibabruya!! This kid is bright!! (mouth forming an O) What do you know about basketball?? Wait, where's my notebook? My notebook! (the only innocent one)

That's what you call attitude.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­


End file.
